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11/20/2019 11:00 PMThe holidays bring families together, and that's a wonderful thing. It can also be terribly stressful, especially for those who have lost a loved one, or who find themselves with too much on their plate. There are things we can do to make the season easier, however, including realizing that a lot of holiday stress is self-generated.
"Lots of times it's because of our own expectations," says Tina Garrity, founder of the Madison Happiness Club. "Be realistic: The holidays aren't perfect and there's a lot of family discord."
Basically, don't expect your normal, messy, everyday family to transform into the perfect holiday family, she says. You're going to be spending time with the same people you know, who are going to be their own imperfect selves, no matter what day it is.
Beyond setting expectations about others, she suggests we examine what we're expecting of ourselves, and whether it's reasonable.
"Everybody's different. Maybe your next-door neighbor can have a party for 40 people, but you can't. Cut yourself a break," Garrity says.
If you still find yourself overwhelmed, "Try to take some breaks, even if it's just 10 or 15 minutes during the day to breathe, to meditate, to think about the good things that are taking place."
Take care of yourself by continuing your healthy habits, too.
"If you've been exercising and eating healthy, try to keep up with that as much as possible," Garrity says.
Physical activity is another potential balm for holiday stress.
"Whenever I need to destress, I try to get some sort of exercise," says Bikram yoga instructor Chris Negrini, who's also the assistant sports editor at Shore Publishing. "Stress for me creates a lot of nervous energy that needs an outlet, and if I can tire myself out, I tend to have an easier time relaxing."
Yoga and hiking are Negrini's go-to activities.
"Both have good stress-reducing qualities," he says. "Yoga is meditative, and hiking gets me out into the woods where there are less screens and more natural visual stimuli."
For those who've lost loved ones, it's going to be hard to focus on the good–and that's OK, too.
"You can't expect to be happy during the holidays if you're grieving," says Garrity. "It could be a sad time, and you have to honor that it is going to be sad."
If you don't have family nearby or you're lonely, Garrity recommends connecting with a local community or religious organization.
"Volunteer for something so you're involved–not just alone and feeling sorry for yourself," she says. "One of the things I've discovered is the more you give, the more you get."
Negrini has one more tip for avoiding holiday stress, of which it's easy to see the wisdom, if not to implement: "Stay away from talking about politics if you can," he says. "Nowadays that makes everything worse, I find."
These tips are by no means the only ways to relax during the holidays. A lot of it depends on what you like to do. The next time you find yourself stressing over "the most wonderful time of the year," dig out some soothing music, take a walk, get a massage, or stop by a local community or senior center to see if they have any interesting volunteer opportunities for you.
And the next time a family member makes a rude comment over a holiday meal, try to find a little acceptance: "You have to look at them as how they are, not how you want them to be," says Garrity.