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Forming New Bonds

As a child you make friends with your classmates. As an adult you make friends with your colleagues and maybe through your children. But how do you make new friends as a senior?

As a person ages and friends and family start to lessen in number, seniors can often find themselves becoming isolated and introverted. While some may say this trend is just a part of aging, growing old without meaningful friendships can take a serious emotional and physical toll.

Stephanie Evans-Ariker, executive director of Orchard House Adult Day Center, says the older we get, the harder it is to push ourselves to make new friends.

"As a single senior, the options narrow as the social circles that may have been in place as part of a couple are weakened and often go away altogether," she says. "Getting anyone to go beyond their comfort zone is a challenge. Every older adult approaches aging differently, and how they make friends is dependent on who they are naturally and what is going on in their life at the moment."

Personality isn't the only thing often standing in a senior's way. Evans-Ariker noted that there are often many physical barriers to seniors trying to make new friends.

"If an older adult has vision and hearing impairments, there is the risk of not being able to fully engage in conversations [due to loss of hearing] which can be isolating in a social setting," she says. "For those seniors who no longer drive, they are at the mercy of people who come by to visit or rely on the generosity of family or friends to take them places. Social isolation in seniors is a serious issue."

Isolation can be a catalyst to many other serious issues, according to Ariker, who says limited interaction can lead to cognitive, physical, and emotional decline.

"The larger the social network, the less at risk an older person can be for depression, anxiety, high blood pressure, or other physical conditions," she says. "Social-emotional support for aging adults who are caring for an aging loved one, or who are in failing health themselves, can make all the difference in someone's ability to cope."

Austin Hall, director of senior services at the Madison Senior Center, says he has seen firsthand how friendships have dramatically improved the lives of seniors.

"From my experience, seniors tend to look after each other and care for one another more as they age," he says. "They are aware of their friends' needs, both emotional and physical, and express their concerns to each other or to the staff at the Senior Center. Having friends that are going through the same process of aging that you are makes it easier to deal with the trials and tribulations of getting older."

While there is plenty of evidence highlighting the benefits of senior friendships, the facts do not make the challenge of pushing yourself to make new friends any easier, according to Hall.

"It can be difficult to make friends if you are shy, but you should keep in mind that if you are attending a class, everyone is there for a common reason," he says. "Having some commonality opens doors to conversation and possible new friendships."

Hall says a great place for seniors to start to become re-engaged with their neighbors and their community is at their local senior center. He says the diverse program offerings and low-pressure environment gives seniors a chance to get involved with groups and activities that interest them.

"Coming to a senior center is a perfect way to meet new people," he says. "Everyone comes to the center for the same reasons: to make friends, enjoy time away from the house, participate in educational endeavors, enjoy a meal with their peers,

et cetera. Having a meal with peers is a fantastic way to get involved. Breaking bread with other seniors opens up conversation and breaks down any perceived barriers between people."

Evans-Ariker agrees senior centers are a good place to start, but notes seniors should make themselves feel unlimited in how they choose to engage with fellow seniors in the community.

"Reinforcing to older adults that they have a sacred space where they can connect among a group of peers with shared experiences is key," she says. "While senior centers are the obvious choice, there are so many other options as well for people who don't feel they are quite 'senior' yet such as libraries or museums."

Marlene DeSanto, owner of Total Health Center in Guilford, is the perfect example of someone living a no-limits lifestyle. Nearly 83 years old, DeSanto says yoga "has brought me through a lot of trials and tribulations regarding how to mature nicely."

Through her practice, DeSanto says yoga has benefited her physical and mental health tremendously throughout the years and says many other seniors can experience the same.

"Yoga is wonderful for getting the life force to move more freely through the body," she says. "I find that people come to my yoga classes and develop wonderful connections with other people and that is very important. It is important to remain active with people and certainly remain active with your body."

DeSanto says more seniors are taking up yoga than ever before—of nearly 15.8 million Americans who practice yoga, 2.9 million are 55 or older. While there are many possible reasons for the surge in seniors taking up yoga, one particularly resonates with her.

"In a culture that worships youth," she says. "Yoga honors the aging process."

Making new friends doesn't have to be difficult just because you aren't on the school playground anymore. There are ways to find  even richer friendships in your golden years!