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Pamela Lape: Resolved and Dissolved?

Lose weight? Exercise more? Quit smoking? How are you doing on those New Year’s resolutions? They’re made with the best of intentions, so why do most of us break them so easily?

“You know what they say about gyms; they’re full in January, but by March they’re empty again,” says Pamela Lape of Chester.

Pamela, a psychoanalyst by profession, explains where good intentions run awry.

“It’s all about habit. It’s very hard to change habits,” she says.

And what’s more, changing a habit is particularly hard right after the holidays.

“People are already exhausted, physically and emotionally,” Pamela adds.

Making permanent change is difficult, Pamela points out, because of what she calls slow and fast brain. Fast brain is habit, the things we do without even thinking—reactions that are on autopilot, like reaching automatically for a snack at a tense moment. And fast brain works five times faster than slow brain.

“You tell yourself you are going to eat differently, but your fast brain works hard not to change. Something happens and the fast brain says, ‘Oh, the heck with all that,’” she explains. “So, you’ve already consumed the candy bar before you even had time to reflect on what you are doing.”

Slow brain, on the other hand, refers to our conscious actions, things we do with forethought and deliberation. Learning to drive, she says, is a good example of something that starts as a slow brain process. It takes work and energy, a classic slow brain maneuver at first, until driving becomes second nature.

“At that point your fast brain takes over and it becomes habit,” she says.

And that’s where the problem with resolutions lies: It is extremely difficult to change a habit. Pamela suggests an old adage that is helpful in contemplating change: Know thyself. If a strict diet regimen has never worked, don’t follow one. Plan smaller changes to reach the desired goal.

“Make change with understanding. We do not live in a fantasy world,” she says.

And think not only about big goals, but small strategic changes.

“Maybe you need to put the cookies in the freezer so you don’t reach for them automatically,” she adds.

Pamela knows from her own life what it means to make change. She started out in college as a business major, but soon realized that it wasn’t for her. She switched to dental hygiene, influenced by a family friend she admired, and worked in the field for several years, but that, too, was not what she wanted long term.

She went back to college and got a degree in art. She went to New York City, dreaming of a career as an artist, but soon came up against the harsh financial realities of existence as a painter.

“I found the life of a starving artist was not for me,” she says.

Her first experience with therapy was for herself, as she struggled to figure out what path to take. It turned out psychoanalysis itself was the path.

“I felt so helped by the process,” Pamela says.

She has a master’s degree in clinical psychology and is a graduate of the Westchester Institute of Psychotherapy and Psychoanalysis.

She does individual and couples therapy as well as running group sessions and a variety of workshops in areas like wellness and stress management and empty nest transition. Sometimes she uses her art background in her therapy work, asking people to use art, making a collage as a way of getting in touch with their feelings. Recently, she ran a post-election women’s workshop at the Chester Library and has a similar session scheduled in Old Saybrook.

“It was not about bashing anybody,” she says of the workshop, “but it was a chance for people to get in touch with their own feelings, to deal with dissonance and division. It was a chance for sharing.”

Psychoanalysis was one of Pamela’s passions, but not the only one. Since growing up in Wallingford, she has loved horses and for more than two decades she managed a riding stable in Fairfield County during the day and worked as an analyst in the evening.

When the riding stable changed ownership, Pamela reassessed her own life and decided that after more than four decades in Fairfield County, it was time for a move.

“Darien was a Wall Street town,” she says. “It was no longer a warm and friendly place.”

She knew Killingworth and began to look in this area, settling in Chester a year ago and relocating her practice to this area. She loves the diverse art scene in Chester as well as the warmth with which she and her two small terriers have been welcomed into the community.

“Coming to a small, centered community at this point in my life feels right. It feels like coming home,” she says.

For her own New Year’s resolutions, Pamela, who sold her horse, wants to ride again. She misses the exercise and admits to gaining weight. She walks her two fox terriers and does yoga, but is determined to make riding a part of her life again. She has also resolved to eat less meat and more fruits and vegetables.

And how is that going? Pamela is following her own advice.

“I’m making small changes,” she says. “I’m not perfect, but it is better than before.”