This is a printer-friendly version of an article from Zip06.com.
10/26/2016 08:30 AMJohn Rogers knows that fathers can sometimes be overlooked, both from his job as a social work supervisor in the New Haven office of the Connecticut Department of Children and Families (DCF) and from raising his two children in Madison with his wife, Deborah, a teacher in Milford.
“I’ve been intentional about being involved in my kids’ lives,” John says. “As much as possible, I go to doctors’ appointments with them, I attend every parent-teacher conference, and too often you would find that if my wife was present, the doctor or the teacher was talking to my wife.
“As a teacher, she’s not available during the day to take a phone call,” he says. “We would always try to convey to the doctor or the teacher to call me first. The majority of the time, they’re still trying to call my wife. I think a lot of us dads experience that in different capacities.”
At John’s job, this attitude can have more serious repercussions, so he is working to promote Dads Matter Too!, a campaign to raise awareness of the importance of fathers in their children’s lives and to educate men about the resources they can draw on to become better fathers.
“We deal with a lot of families where dads are not involved,” John says, “or we have a difficult time in trying to engage them in services. There’s unfortunately statistical realities: The U.S. census has determined that almost 25 percent of households are father absent. I’ve seen some statistics that indicate that here in New Haven, almost 60 percent of households are missing dads.
“Research shows that children benefit tremendously when there’s a father that’s more actively involved in their life,” he says. “There’s an increase in educational outcomes. There’s a reduction in poverty for them. There’s improvement in social behavior [and a] reduction in criminal behaviors and early pregnancies for teens. So this work is to really help promote that in whatever capacity we can.”
Dads Matter Too! was founded in 2013 by a colleague of John’s, Anthony Gay, who works in the DCF’s Waterbury office.
“Last year,” John says, “there was a discussion surrounding moving an annual event that he had started, his Dads Matter Too! awareness event, to another office location. So I proposed instead of doing that, let’s take it to a bigger level. Let’s broaden it to every office. This year we had nine offices that had their own events.”
John chaired, organized, and raised funds for the New Haven event, called the Dads Matter Too! Fatherhood Celebration Day and held on Sept. 17 in Scantlebury Park. Twenty-two state and local agencies participated, offering information on their services for men with children. There were family-friendly activities and food, and a sort of graduation ceremony was held for local fathers who had completed parenting programs.
For someone who stresses the importance of fatherhood, John talks a lot about the importance of mentors in his own life. Born and raised in Bennington, Vermont, he joined his high school wrestling team as a sophomore.
“We didn’t have a very good team,” he says. “We could barely field a full squad, and our coach, who fairly recently had graduated from college and was a successful high school and collegiate wrestler, really built the program up, to the extent that every weekend during the spring and summer, he would take us to tournaments around New England and New York. We established a club, so we had an opportunity to continue to train.
“He built the program into one of the most successful programs in the country. He recently retired from that program this past year, but with one of the winningest records in high school sports. It’s guys like that that I’ve always had a tremendous amount of respect for.”
John continued to wrestle while studying sociology at Southern Connecticut State University.
“I had a very involved college coach,” John says. “He encouraged me to join the National Guard and encouraged me to take on leadership roles on campus as a student, to stay active, to give back, and it’s those values that kind of bring me to who I am, and help support who I am now.”
It was also during college that John met Deborah, who lived on the same floor.
“It was an apartment-style coed dormitory,” John says, “and we passed each other in the hallway all the time.”
Asked who spoke to the other one first, John says, “I’m sure it was me.” He pauses, then adds, “Probably me.”
Although John had thought he would go into law enforcement after graduation, a job in Stamford working as a social work trainee for DCF changed his mind.
“It’s something I’ve been doing for 22 years now, and love,” he says. “I’ve worked in a number of generally urban areas—Bridgeport, Norwalk, New Haven—over those 22 years, and I’ve found there’s a lot of value to the work.”
Ten years ago, the family moved from Stratford to Madison, which they knew from visiting relatives who lived near Neck Road. John and Nate got involved with the local Hurricane Wrestling Club.
“I volunteered to coach,” says John, “and eventually took over as head coach and president of the organization. I continue to serve as vice president and help out with coaching periodically.
“I’m also assistant coach at the high school,” he says. “I’ve been there for going on my fourth year now.
“We have a great team,” he says, “a great bunch of kids, very supportive families. You know, something I really appreciate about living in Madison is that there’s a lot of community support. Parents are very willing to donate their time.”
John also donated his time to the Boy Scouts.
“I was a Cub Scout leader,” he says, “from the time my son joined as a Tiger Cub about 10 years ago. I ran a den of I think 15 kids, most of whom transitioned into scouting. Then I shared the role of Scoutmaster.”
John says that of the nine Scouts he took on a summer trip to the Philmont Scout Ranch in New Mexico, “seven of them became Eagle Scouts. That was a proud achievement for me to see that many kids that I was directly involved with achieve that level of scouting.”
One of those boys was Nate Rogers, who earned the distinction in an unusual way that gained him a little local fame. On the suggestion of Madison’s then-first selectman, Fillmore McPherson, Rogers directed the process of selecting a new name for what is now called Salt Meadow Park.
“It wasn’t a traditional type of project that a lot of Scouts do,” says John. “It was certainly for him an eye-opening experience. He ran a town meeting, which for a 15-year-old kid to do on his own was pretty remarkable. We certainly saw the opposing views and considerations of his project.”
Volunteering may run in the family. John’s mother, a retired nurse who still lives in Bennington, worked for a long time with the American Cancer Society’s Relay for Life program. Wanting to make more of an impact locally, she founded a group called Cancer Crusaders, which helps patients cope with some of the secondary financial burdens of the disease.
John seems to see service as a lifelong commitment.
“I’m intentional about staying involved with lots of different activities,” he says, “whether it’s the scouting experience or high-school-level wresting. It’s related to the work I do, in taking my job to another level. As my kids get older, I’m certain I’ll gravitate away from the sports-related activities and start looking for other civic opportunities to get involved with.”
He smiles, and adds, “My wife would be the first one to say I’m not one to sit still.”
To nominate a Person of the Week, contact Tom Conroy at t.conroy@Zip06.com.