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01/12/2023 08:24 AMJeff Stryker, 68, of Guilford, passed away at Yale New Haven Hospital, accompanied by his loving companion of almost 37 years, husband Bill Aseltyne, and the joy-of-his life, son Darius W. Stryker, 18. Jeff is also survived by his brother Bob and sister-in-law Karen; and sister Lynne Musulin (whose husband Nick died in 2009) and their children. He also was deeply loved by Bill’s sisters, Kathy and Mary and their husbands Mark and Dave and their families; and was particularly close to his mother-in-law, Dolores Aseltyne, and was moved by the faith and dedication to social justice of their aunt Sister Patricia Aseltyne (IHM). Jeff also leaves behind many loving, devoted friends cultivated from living in Philadelphia, Washington, DC, Ann Arbor, San Francisco ,and Guilford, who appreciated his brilliance, kindness, wit and voracious consumption of books. Jeff also was a devoted guardian to dogs, Whitney, Jodie, Foster, Rosebud, Frosty and Houston, who spurred him to live by the phrase “wag more, bark less.”
Jeff was born in Bryn Mawr, Pennsylvania, the son of Robert and Joan (Houseman) Stryker, both deceased, and graduated in 1972, from Moorestown High School. His membership in the Latin Club inspired him to backpack through Italy with a friend at age 16. Jeff graduated from the University of Pennsylvania in two years, majoring in medical sociology. Those studies led to positions at the President’s Commission on Bioethics, the U.S. Congressional Office on Technology Assessment, the Hastings Center, the Institute of Medicine, the National Coalition on Healthcare, the University of Michigan School of Public Health, and the University of California at San Francisco Center for AIDS Prevention Studies. Jeff was co-editor of a 1993 National Research Council Report on the Social Impact of AIDS and served as staff director of the National Commission on AIDS. Jeff also taught a seminar for the Yale Bioethics Program and contributed to such outlets as the New York Times, Salon, the San Francisco Examiner, the Advocate, Michigan Radio, KQED, and Marketplace.
At the time of his passing, Jeff was helping to support the annual LEAP Year dinners on behalf of New Haven’s Leadership, Education and Athletics in Partnership. Jeff also supported nonprofits including Casa de Esperanza (Houston), Music Haven, Sandy Hook Promise, the Trevor Project, the Neighborhood Music School, You Gotta Believe, COLAGE, the Long Wharf Theater, and Planned Parenthood of Southern New England as well as Maitri, a San Francisco residential care facility for people with HIV/AIDS. For that city’s ODC Dance Company and Theater, Jeff was the inspiration for the “Buddies for Bunnies” program, which since 2005, has sent Mission District schoolchildren to see the annual holiday production of The Velveteen Rabbit.
Jeff’s greatest joy was Darius, who has demonstrated a generosity of spirit and kindness that thrived under Jeff’s tutelage. Since Darius joined the family in April 2009, Jeff had been in his element as a stay-at-home dad, devoted to their time spent together at Community Nursery School, Jacob’s Beach, the Madison Surf Club and little league, as well as to watching Darius train a wild mustang in Hurricane, Utah. Jeff, Darius and Bill enjoyed visits to Philadelphia, Detroit, New York City, Provincetown, Maine, Puerto Rico, and the Dominican Republic. In 2017, Jeff, Bill and Darius were in awe as they camped in a Nebraska cornfield to witness a total eclipse of the sun. Jeff fervently believed it was a privilege to be Darius’s father. After Darius reconnected with his birth mother in the summer of 2022, Jeff was eager to travel to meet her and draw his son’s two families together. On the evening before his passing, to demonstrate to Darius the love in their marriage, Jeff and Bill danced to “We Kiss in a Shadow” from The King and I, with the lyrics:
To kiss in the sunlight
And say to the sky:
“Behold and believe what you see!
Behold how my lover loves me!”
Bill and Darius express their appreciation to the Guilford Fire and Police Departments and the dedicated caregivers at Yale New Haven Hospital.
A memorial service will be held in the spring. If you’re inclined to give to a charity, please choose one that works to make the world a gentler place for others. And in Jeff’s memory, Bill and Darius ask that you be kind, wag more and bark less. Arrangements are in care of the Guilford Funeral Home, 115 Church Street, Guilford. To share a memory or leave condolences, visit www.guilfordfuneralhome.com.