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07/22/2021 12:01 AM

We’re Gonna Need a Bigger Boat


Sometimes a conversation says it all. I hear this one at the local post office.

“So, you know my truck is out of commission, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Wait ‘til you hear this. I have it in the shop, so I have to rent something in the meantime. I go to the rental place, almost nothing available. One compact car available. One. So I ask the guy, ‘Okay, how much for that?’ He says, ‘Two-hundred-fifty dollars a day.’ Used to be 25. Now it’s 250. I says to him, ‘I’d rather walk.’ And then I walked.”

Who can blame him? I’d walk, too.

It seems that everything is in high demand and where there’s demand, there’s price gouging. Some things have increased in price in a more reasonable manner. However, that doesn’t mean that they’re available. I go to a restaurant with friends and have trouble ordering because each item I order is out of stock. Finally, on the fourth try, I hit on something that’s on hand. It’s really good, too. I should have started with that. In a way, it’s nice that restaurants are so busy that they sometimes run out of options. After having to be restricted for so long, I’m glad to see them thriving. I don’t mind having to change my order because they’ve run out of something. It is a sign of these times, though. I rarely had to change my dinner choice before COVID came around. Now I always have at least one back-up item chosen before I order. Sometimes two.

As I drive away from the post office after overhearing the conversation about the rental car, I shake my head. I feel bad for the man who practically has to sell a kidney to rent a vehicle. He says he didn’t go for the bait, but I wonder what he’s going to do. How is he going to get around? When he finally gets his truck back, how much will that cost him? Car parts are scarce as snowballs right now, along with building supplies, houses, appliances, and practically everything else one needs. If you do happen upon something it will take your entire 401K savings to buy it.

That reminds me of another conversation. I heard this one on the ferry going to Martha’s Vineyard.

“So I went to thah new place to get a slice a pie,” said a man.

“Yeah, how was it?” the guy sitting next to him asked.

“I dunno. I nevah got thah pie.”

“Ya nevah got thah pie?”

“Naaahhhh. I says, ‘How much fah thah pie?’ Lady says, ‘Fi-dollah a slice.’ I says, ‘I don’t wanna buy a caaaaah, I just wanna slice a pie!’”

That conversation happened nearly two years ago. However, I’m sure some version of it happened last week, too. Food is another commodity in high demand at a high price. Can you get a fi-dollah slice of pie at this point? Maybe not. I’m amazed at the sticker shock I get whenever I go to the grocery store. For months I went there as little as possible to avoid the virus. Now my wallet is begging me hold off as much as I can. It says it’s stretched to the limit and my bank account agrees. Now I’m more concerned about their health than my own. When I fill my car up at the gas station, I can almost sense it apologizing to me.

From food to cars to houses, everything is chum in the water and we’re all sharks looking to feed. We’re also the poor suckers in rickety boats, trying to stay afloat. In the movie Jaws, Chief Brody gets one look at the gigantic beast in the water and says they’re gonna need a bigger boat. Good luck to him, I think every summer when I watch the movie. Good luck to anyone who really does need a bigger boat. I hear those are in short supply, too.

Juliana Gribbins is a writer who believes that absurdity is the spice of life. Her book Date Expectations is winner of the 2017 Independent Press Awards, Humor Category and winner of the 2016 IPPY silver medal for humor. Write to her at jeepgribbs@hotmail.com. Read more of her columns at www.zip06.com/shorelineliving.