This is a printer-friendly version of an article from Zip06.com.
10/05/2017 12:01 AMHaving one career, even job, per lifetime—with a gold watch, pension, and retirement at 65—had pretty much been the American way until Baby Boomers, particularly Late Boomers, put a spin on this linear way of thinking, taking a more fluid, flexible approach to work as we enter into different ages and stages of our lives.
“I think we have many more options than the generation before ours,” says Barbara Shulman-Kirwin of Guilford, who fits this demographic. “Our parents didn’t have the freedom or awareness we have now to evolve into different parts of our lives, to accept that we do change and we’re not the same people we were in our 20s and 30s, which I think is great news.”
Shulman-Kirwin is an inspiring example of how we can continually reinvent ourselves, and how major obstacles may not necessarily hinder us, but motivate us to grow.
After earning her M.S. in physical therapy from Boston University, Shulman-Kirwin went on become a practicing physical therapist for 15 years before discovering she had undiagnosed/misdiagnosed chronic Lyme disease.
Radical Forgiveness
When traditional Western medicine wasn’t helping, she turned to the East to Complementary & Alternative Medicine (CAM), which led her to discover the healing powers of making art.
Shulman-Kirwin then began a new career, opening BSK Design at Chroma Gallery on Church Street in Guilford where she creates and sells her architectural glass and dichroic glass jewelry.
Although it became more manageable, she still struggled with her chronic illness and recently found herself heading in yet another career direction—as a certified Radical Forgiveness (RF) practitioner.
Founded by Colin Tipping, RF is based on the philosophy that life’s events happen for us, rather than to us, and offers tools for forgiving others and forgiving oneself in order to break the bonds of pain and sadness that so often keep people trapped in unhappy situations.
“The main reason I’ve become so passionate about forgiveness is I discovered it on my crazy journey of healing through Lyme disease,” Shulman-Kirwin says. “I kept turning over different stones of alternative medicine and forgiveness kept coming up—the kind of forgiveness I knew and was taught wasn’t helping me.”
Shulman-Kirwin acknowledges that some people are able to reach forgiveness through their own spiritual/religious practices or upbringing, but for others it’s a difficult concept.
After her therapist pointed out that if she could forgive herself for her anger toward an individual in her life who caused her pain, she would be on her way to healing her Lyme disease, Shulman-Kirwin began a series of intense workshops and training in RF. The more she learned, the more she knew this was the key to not only her own healing process, but for others, as well.
“I teach people to look at their lives differently,” Shulman-Kirwin says. “We all have obstacles and people in our lives that cause us pain. We all have diseases, childhood issues, relationship problems, divorce. I try to help people to just become willing to look at their lives differently so they suffer leas and find more peace and joy.”
Changing the Storyline
Shulman-Kirwin stresses that RF is not about being “Pollyanna-ish” and seeing the world through rose-colored glasses, pretending that people don’t do hurtful things.
“The first thing I tell people is that we can’t control anything but ourselves and second, that it’s the story in our lives that causes us emotional distress. And when we change the storyline in our head about the obstacle or person, then we miraculously alleviate our pain and we have gratitude for the situation.”
Shulman-Kirwin sees how her various career paths have converged to lead her to where she is today and only enhances the work she is doing now.
Her training in both traditional medicine and various CAM modalities, including her certification as a RF practitioner, has taught her the value and importance of balance in healing. Her passion for art also complements her work in RF.
“I thought I had to sell Chroma in order to open up this new practice. I thought one door had to be completely shut for another to open,” she says. “I learned that wasn’t true. You can do more than one thing at the same time. I love both the creative process I have at the gallery, and I love equally as much, the joy and the gratitude of helping people look at things differently and increase their joy and decrease their suffering.”
Shulman-Kirwin encourages others not to be afraid to get off the straight and narrow, to embrace change and the bigger picture.
“It takes self-awareness and then courage to radically change yourself professionally, as well as the way you see your life,” she says. “It’s safer and easier to stay the way you are, but it’s not as joyful, and you won’t experience the same amount of excitement in life that you would if you encourage yourself to change, to evolve.”
Shulman-Kirwin has a private practice in RF and also gives talks and workshops on RF. For more information, visit forgiveness-works.com or call 203-314-3250. She is also one of the healing practitioners listed on rubeesconstellation.com
Amy J. Barry is a Baby Boomer, who lives in Stony Creek with her husband and assorted pets. She writes theater reviews for Shore Publishing newspapers and is an expressive arts educator. Contact her at www.aimwrite-ct.net