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11/03/2016 12:01 AMWomen of my generation were coming of age during the first wave of the feminist movement of the 1960s—an energized movement with a second wave that lasted into the 1980s. Nationally and locally, ‘60s feminists inspired political action for equal rights on the home front and in the work place and there was a big shift of balance in gender equality.
As a result, our daughters and granddaughters have many more options in what was previously a man’s world—a world that Betty Freidan described in her feminist manifesto The Feminine Mystique as one in which “women were forced to be subservient to men financially, mentally, physically, and intellectually.”
Now, we seem to be back in a sexual revolution, but instead of it being championed by women, this time, it’s as victims, brought to the forefront by some high profile politicians and celebrities who somehow are still living in a bizarre fantasy world where it’s OK to objectify women, talk about groping women and making unwanted sexual advances as long as they deny that anything actually happened, that it’s only “locker room” or “boy” talk.
But anything that attempts to frighten, control, or shame women is sexual abuse, plain and simple.
Gina Macdonald of Branford, a licensed professional counselor, who has been specializing in eating disorders and body image distortion and therapy for more than a decade, has a lot to say on what we’re seeing and hearing on the news and social media these days. She witnesses firsthand the harmful affect it is having on her clients on the shoreline, who range in age from 12 to 65, and often already have a history of being called names, being judged by their bodies, and/or sexually violated.
She points out that the emphasis on altering and creating the perfect body has already been a problem in our culture over the past 20 years perpetuated by TV and now social media. And the problem is escalating due to body image bullying, body shaming, and references made by people in the national spotlight to whom we are supposed to look to set good examples.
“One’s body image is created from the attitudes others have toward them, and those attitudes very much impact how one experiences one’s body,” Macdonald says. “Vulnerabilities (sensitivities, insecurities, genetics) make certain people more susceptible to personalizing and taking on these messages, making it a form of ‘self talk.’”
However, she says, “Specific words such as ‘Piggy’ stated by our leaders and authorities are more likely to impact our young girls—whether they are vulnerable or not.”
She says she was actually relieved that her preteen clients were distracted by the “clown craze” that took over local news a few weeks ago.
“At least in this case, I could tell them, ‘Don’t worry. The police are on it. You are safe.’”
Macdonald says a 12-year-old recently told her that a boy at school pointed her out in a group of girls, and said, “You’re a five.”
And a young woman in one of her groups started talking about a comment directed at her a decade ago when she was 15 that was re-triggered by current events.
After saying that he could see her cleavage, this guy said, “If you get raped, it’s your fault,” Macdonald reports.
Macdonald works with young women on the shoreline who, she says, are terrified of becoming women “because they’re learning at such a young age to be sexualized.”
But she is also relieved that, although her high school age students are hurt by these negative comments, they understand that it’s bullying, plain and simple. And one college-age woman recently brought an article about Miss Universe to one of her groups, because it bothered her personally and she wanted to have a conversation about it.
Macdonald stresses the importance of countering these messages.
“I tell younger kids, ‘Don’t worry, you can talk to me and your parents. If someone says something [inappropriate] to you, tell them to walk away, they have no right to talk about your body, it’s personal. I talk about boundaries—what’s yours is yours, what’s theirs is theirs. It’s the same for my high school and college age clients. My saying is MYOB. Mind Your Own Body.”
“You don’t have to touch a woman for it to be damaging,” she emphasizes. “It’s the comments people make that become their attitudes toward themselves and those comments are just as damaging as sexual violations.”
So, to Macdonald’s point, we may not have an organized women’s movement in 2016. We may not even agree on a lot of things as women in such a politically polarized climate.
But the one thing we should all agree on is a zero tolerance policy for degrading, humiliating sexual comments and innuendo and that we educate, protect, and empower both our daughters and sons to treat each other with respect and civility and to stand up to those, who, if allowed to do so, would return us to the dark ages of gender inequality in a heartbeat.
Amy J. Barry is a Baby Boomer, who lives in Stony Creek with her husband and assorted pets. She writes features and reviews for Shore Publishing newspapers and is an expressive arts educator.