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10/20/2016 12:01 AMWhen people think about domestic violence, they often think about physical abuse.
While physical abuse certainly qualifies as domestic violence, there are plenty of other ways that abusers can inflict damage on their victims, says Liza Andrews, a spokeswoman for the Connecticut Coalition Against Domestic Violence.
“Domestic violence, or intimate partner violence as we sometimes call it, as we define it, is any pattern of coercive behavior including physical abuse, emotional abuse, or psychological abuse,” she says. “That can include stalking, sexual abuse, and even financial abuse.”
In fact, she says, the vast majority of abusive relationships include some sort of financial abuse, she says.
“Finances are often what really ties a victim to an abuser,” she says. “If a victim has no access to money or resources, that leaves those victims with an agonizing choice. If they leave their abuser, they are, potentially, homeless.”
Andrews says anyone in immediate danger, or who is concerned about someone who may be in immediate danger, should know that they can always call 911.
“But, for whatever reason, not everyone is comfortable calling 911,” she says. And so there is a wide range of options for people experiencing domestic violence, or for anyone who is concerned about someone who may be in an abusive relationship.
Help is Available Anytime
The 24-hour hotline for anyone who lives anywhere in Connecticut is 1-888-774-2900. For anyone who would prefer to speak Spanish, it is 1-844-831-9200.
“Those numbers link victims in the state with the closest domestic violence organizations. They are 24-hour hotlines, and all services are free and confidential,” she says.
Wondering what happens next?
“The next steps are victim-driven,” says Andrews. “We are not going to tell the victim what to do. We are going to present them with options, and encourage them to work on a safety plan.”
For additional details on what might happen next, Andrews recommends a visit to the Connecticut Coalition Against Domestic Violence website at www.ctcadv.org/find-help and clicking “What to Expect When You Call” and “Making Safety Plan.
“We want to help a victim plan for his or her safety,” she says. “We’ll talk about what’s the best route, and what the outcomes might be of each possible action.”
She said victims who have children are sometimes overwhelmed by the thought of getting both themselves, and the children, to a safe place in their lives.
What About the Children?
“You know, there is a great deal of information out there about the impact on children who witness violence, and we want to be careful about how we talk about that,” she says. “The number one thing is that the abuser is responsible for what is occurring, and sometimes there are a number of reasons why a victim chooses to stay in a relationship. Sometimes that is the safest action.”
Even those who feel like staying in the relationship is the safest course of action at that time can still take steps to help their children.
“We can provide services to children, including counseling and play therapy,” Andrews says.
One of the organizations that provides services along the shoreline, BHcare, provides music therapy, by way of an example. “That is an evidence based way to provide support for children,” Andrews says.
“If people are not quite ready to leave, we can access those services for the children. We can do on-the-phone counseling. People can always come in. Most of our services are community based; you don’t have to be in a shelter to access services,” she says.
What About the Pets?
What happens to family pets when someone reaches out for help?
“Oftentimes abusers abuse pets as a way to abuse and threaten other family members,” Andrews says. “They want to put that fear into their victims, and those victims don’t want to leave the pets behind. And so we have a partnership with the Connecticut Veterinarians Association. If a victim does need to come into a shelter, they can call the shelter and let them know that, and the shelter can contact a vet that has agreed to help, so the victim doesn’t have to feel like they are leaving that pet behind.”
People who call can expect their concerns will be held confidential, Andrews says.
“All of our counselors are certified and every communication with a certified domestic violence counselor is confidential under Connecticut law,” Andrews says.
Above all, people who are concerned about domestic violence should feel comfortable reaching out, she says.
“The hotline is there for anyone anytime, and all of our services are free and confidential,” she says. “Getting connected with a local shelter is the best protective factor when it comes to fatal violence, if it’s going that way.”
How to Help
Emily Granelli, the chief business development officer for BHcare, says that some services are offered through the Women & Family Life Center in Guilford. Support groups meet there and victims can meet there with counselors, she says.
If people want to help BHcare provide support, there are several ways to do that, she says, all outlined on the organization’s website www.bhcare.org or by calling 203-446-9739.
“We have a lot of volunteers and supporters. We have a thrift store in Ansonia, for example. It’s all volunteers . People can donate items and all proceeds go to support the umbrella center” that provides services along the shoreline, she says. There also is a clothing bank in Branford that helps support those services.
Likewise, the organization that provides services to the eastern part of the shoreline, Middletown-based New Horizons, also outlines way that people can provide support at newhorizonsdv.com/Volunteer.
“Volunteers are an essential part of New Horizons’ services. We are proud of our volunteer program and grateful to the hundreds of hours of service each year these dedicated men and women provide to us,” the website says.
New Horizons also encourages third-party fundraising events, such as facilitating a donation drive (ie…used cell phones, clothing, toiletries, school supplies), road race, benefit dinner, or other event. Contact New Horizons for more information at 860-344-9599.