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Digging Out the Ornaments

It’s time for the annual trek up my rickety ladder to grab plastic bins of Christmas stuff from the attic. Then it’s back down the rickety ladder balancing bins and hoping I don’t fall. Good thing I only have to do this once a year.

One bin contains the ornaments that will go on my Christmas tree. I love ornaments for different reasons. They all have their value. Well, except for one, maybe. An ornament dubbed simply, “The Face” has no redeeming qualities. It defies description. It defies logic. It never should have happened. I can say this because I made it.

Ornaments can fall into different categories, some into more than one.

Ornaments Handmade by Children: I have a tiny handprint on colored paper from my niece and a scribbled on paper tree from my nephew. There’s nothing better than pulling these out of the bin. These are the best of all.

Ornaments That Have Sentimental Value: The ornaments that children make fall into this category, but so do the ones that remind you of specific people and specific Christmases. They might not be the nicest ones. They might include a reindeer with a crooked antler, a one-eyed Santa, or an angel with a warped halo. But you’ll never throw them out. That warped angel made by a favorite friend has seen you through college, five moves to various rundown apartments, a marriage, a divorce, and another rundown apartment that you were able to call your very own, post—marriage-bust-up. The warped angel has seen it all with you year after year. It’s never given up on you and you will never give up on it.

Ornaments You Buy for Yourself: Who hasn’t taken advantage of the sales that occur after Christmas? You’re not American if you haven’t. Or you’re a guy.

Ornaments That Are Heartbreakingly Sad: These are like the worn-out but well-loved stuffed animals you see at tag sales. They may not even have sentimental value, but it seems unkind to toss them into the trash. So, they lurk in the inner branches of the tree toward the back. They’re behind the scenes, but they’re still working.

Ornaments That Are Just Plain Bad: These are either re-gifted as a joke to you or about to be re-gifted again by you. It’s always helpful to have a couple of these around just in case you’re the recipient of one. Payback the next Christmas can be fun. Someone’s going to get a Backstreet Boys ornament this year, I just haven’t decided who.

Ornaments That Are So Bad They’re Good: These usually fall on the tacky side of things. There’s a purple and pink bird covered in sequins that I suspect dates from the ’70s in my collection. I don’t know how it got there. All I know is that it’s so awful I smile every year when I unearth it from the bin. It gets placed in the inner sanctum of the tree next to a pathetic-looking goose from the Ornaments That Are Heartbreakingly Sad category.

All ornaments have value. And anything handmade by a child is a jewel. Well, except for the aforementioned Face. I made it in 3rd grade out of baker’s clay. The Face is large, homely, and also falls into both the Ornaments That Are Heartbreakingly Sad and the Ornaments That Are Just Plain Bad categories. I’m the first to admit this. My mom, who treasures the old ornaments my brothers and I made like a mom should, has tried to pass The Face on to me. “Don’t you want it?” she’s said. “You made it. You can have it if you want it.” I always counter, “I made it for you, Mom. You’re stuck with The Face for all of eternity.” And then we both laugh.

Does that put The Face into the Ornaments That Are So Bad They’re Good category? No. Sorry. The Face is The Face, for better and mostly for worse. The only good thing about The Face is that, since it lives at my mom’s house, I don’t have to climb up a rickety ladder to retrieve it every year.

Juliana Gribbins is a writer who believes that absurdity is the spice of life. Write to her at jeepgribbs@hotmail.com.