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09/10/2015 12:01 AMDespite earlier rain predictions, it’s a bright and sunny Saturday afternoon, as hoped and prayed for by the organizers of this somber event on the steps of New Haven’s City Hall. Held late last month, it was the second annual Community Butterfly Release Ceremony honoring those who lost their lives to gun violence.
It is almost too bright and too hot, as adults find a shady place to stand against the cool stonewalls of the building and precious little girls wearing butterfly wings huddle in the shadows cast by the memorial to the Amistad Slave Rebellion of 1839.
Event organizers with SWANA (Sisters With A New Attitude Women’s Support Group) are attempting to raise both awareness of gun violence and funds for families whose children have been killed in the streets and can’t afford the cost of a burial. This is unfathomable to many of us who never have to think about such heart-wrenching things. Or choose not to.
Reverends and spiritual counselors of different faiths offer impassioned readings and prayers. Government officials, including New Haven Mayor Toni Harp, talk about stopping the violence, picking up on the new national mantra, “Black Lives Matter.” An earnest young musician named Josh raps to a song he wrote—a plea to end the violence in his neighborhood.
Following is a special tribute to Sandra Bland, the 28-year-old African American woman pulled over in July in Texas for a routine traffic stop who later died in police custody.
And then the butterflies are released, in memory of all of our deceased loved ones.
Deborah Elmore, co-founder of SWANA and organizer of the event, is disappointed that even though the rain held out, there was such a small turn out, and so little money raised. But that doesn’t deter her one bit from her mission.
And, there’s always next year.
That’s Deborah, always doing what’s right, doing what’s needed, and rolling with the punches.
I met Deborah, an East Haven resident, a little over a year ago at The Hearth at Gardenside in Branford where she works as a private aide to an elderly resident.
As she handed me a flier for the first Butterfly Release Ceremony, I was struck by her intensity, only matched by her colorful clothing and long hair tied with a bright red scarf on top of her head.
I later learned that Deborah was a published poet, an aspiring actress, single mother of five grown children, a recovering drug addict 15 years clean and sober, and a deeply spiritual woman.
“I’ve always been an optimistic person,” she says. “I was born in 1957 and at this stage in my life I’m finding out so many things I should have found out years ago, but maybe this is the way life is supposed to unfold.
“I think everything happens for a reason,” she stresses. “And when it’s your time for something to be revealed, it is.”
Deborah founded SWANA in 2001 when she came out of rehab.
“I started it because when I was in rehab, many of us were afraid to go back into the world. It started as a peer support group for any kind of issues.”
About seven years later, Deborah formed The Meeting of the Moms after one of the women in the group’s son was shot and killed.
“Her son knew my son. When I got the phone call at two in the morning and found out three of the four boys who’d been together had gotten killed, I hit the floor,” she recalls. “I though my son was with them that night because they’re always together. It was hours before I found out he wasn’t with them.”
The experience, she says, taught her to step into the shoes of a mother who lost a son.
“Everyone who came to the Meeting of the Moms was truly shaken,” she says. “It really touched home. We were like nervous wrecks living here.”
Deborah says police used to know the people in the neighborhood and had conversations with the parents and kids. Neighbors were watching out for your children—and were allowed to discipline them. People didn’t live in so much fear.
Regarding the funeral fund, Deborah says, “Your child gets murdered. It’s not something you’re expecting. A lot of people don’t have money put away. These bodies will just be held until someone pays.
“A basic funeral costs at least $7,000. We’re not even making a dent with the money we collect.”
But until the group can build some funds, SWANA will continue buying flowers for the funerals with the money they’ve raised, sending someone to speak at the funeral services, and bringing food and comfort to the bereaved family.
Despite these hard realities, Deborah says, “I do believe together we stand and divided we’re going to fall.
“If more people would walk in more people’s shoes, instead of putting each other down, they’d understand that there are always underlying reasons for things happening,” she says. “People just don’t always want to see it.”
For more information about SWANA and/or to make a donation to The Sunset Funeral Fund, email Deborah Elmore at swannanewhaven@yahoo.com or call 203-584-3695.
Amy J. Barry is a Baby Boomer, who lives in Stony Creek with her husband and assorted pets. She writes features and reviews for Shore Publishing newspapers and is an expressive arts educator. Email her at aimwrite@snet.net or at www.aimwrite-ct.net.